“Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they are constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed.”
―
Kevin Hearne,
Hounded
“Now go and stake some vamps. Especially the sparkly emo ones.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin’ me lawn and killin’ what Brits come around.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“That's right, there's free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone's jealous.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“Wow you need to get some sun.”“Shut up. I'm Irish.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“I think this man might actually possess supernatural powers. He makes people lose their minds and I’m sure some of them do lose bladder control as well." "I see. And who is this author" "Neil Fucking Gaiman." "His second name is Fucking?" "No Leif that’s the honorary second name all celebrities are given by their fans. It’s not an insult it’s a huge compliment and he’s earned it.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“Ye know what me Sean used to say, God rest his soul? He said, 'A friend will help ye move, Katie, but a really good friend will help ye move a body.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“I'd have to ask Oberon to leave him a present on his front doorstep. He'd do it camouflaged too, so that even if Mr. Semerdjian was watching - and he probably would be - it would appear to be undeniable, physical evidence that, sometimes, shit just happens.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“Wooo!’ he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. ‘That’s good stuff.’I agreed heartily. ‘Shall we do another one?’ I asked.‘Oh no,’ Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. ‘This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“My neighbor raised a shaking index finger to point at the saguaro. "That moving cactus...and the big bug...and you, you spooky bastard. What are you?I stuffed my hands in my pockets and grinned winningly at him. "Why, I'm the Antichrist, of course.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hexed
“When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“Winning ugly is still winning.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“I didn't respond, because naked people never win arguments.” ― Kevin Hearne, Clan Rathskeller
“What sealed the deal for me was that the cloak wouldn't come off without a generous donation of my tears. Those used to be almost impossible for me to summon, I admit, until I watched Field of Dreams. When Kevin Costner asks his dad at the end if he'd like to have a catch, I just completely lose my shit.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“When in doubt, blame the dark elves.” ― Kevin Hearne, Trapped
“ What's silly is paying five bucks for hot milk and flavored syrup! But now I see what's really been going on all this time! They charge you all that money because they need it for the R & D! Somewhere on the outskirts of Seattle, there's a secret facility with higher security than Area 51, and inside there are men with poor eyesight and bad haircuts wearing white coats, and they're trying to make the Holy Grail of all coffee drinks. The bacon latte?No, Atticus, I already told you those exist! I'm talking about the prophecy! 'Out of the steam and the foam and the froth, a man in white with poor eyesight will craft a liquid paradox, and it shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!' Oberon, what the F---?” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“It quickly became a tracking operation, though. My chariot could not keep up with his truck. By the time I caught up with him, his truck was parked in one of those asphalt wastelands. What are they called again"?The Tuatha De Danann have no problem asking Druids for information. That's what we're for, after all. The secret to becoming an Old Druid instead of a dead Druid is to betray nary a hint of condescension when answering even the simplest questions."They are called parking lots," I replied."Ah, yes, thank you. He came out of a building called 'Crussh', holding one of these potions. Are you familar with the building, Druid?""I belive that is a smoothie bar in England.""Quite right. So after I killed him and stowed his body next to the doe, I sampled his smooth concoction in the parking lot and found it to be quite delicious".See, sentences like that are why I nurture a healthy fear of the Tuatha De Danann.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“Now go and stake some vamps. Especially the sparkly emo ones.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin’ me lawn and killin’ what Brits come around.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“That's right, there's free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone's jealous.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“Wow you need to get some sun.”“Shut up. I'm Irish.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“I think this man might actually possess supernatural powers. He makes people lose their minds and I’m sure some of them do lose bladder control as well." "I see. And who is this author" "Neil Fucking Gaiman." "His second name is Fucking?" "No Leif that’s the honorary second name all celebrities are given by their fans. It’s not an insult it’s a huge compliment and he’s earned it.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“Ye know what me Sean used to say, God rest his soul? He said, 'A friend will help ye move, Katie, but a really good friend will help ye move a body.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“I'd have to ask Oberon to leave him a present on his front doorstep. He'd do it camouflaged too, so that even if Mr. Semerdjian was watching - and he probably would be - it would appear to be undeniable, physical evidence that, sometimes, shit just happens.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“Wooo!’ he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. ‘That’s good stuff.’I agreed heartily. ‘Shall we do another one?’ I asked.‘Oh no,’ Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. ‘This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“My neighbor raised a shaking index finger to point at the saguaro. "That moving cactus...and the big bug...and you, you spooky bastard. What are you?I stuffed my hands in my pockets and grinned winningly at him. "Why, I'm the Antichrist, of course.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hexed
“When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“Winning ugly is still winning.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“I didn't respond, because naked people never win arguments.” ― Kevin Hearne, Clan Rathskeller
“What sealed the deal for me was that the cloak wouldn't come off without a generous donation of my tears. Those used to be almost impossible for me to summon, I admit, until I watched Field of Dreams. When Kevin Costner asks his dad at the end if he'd like to have a catch, I just completely lose my shit.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
“When in doubt, blame the dark elves.” ― Kevin Hearne, Trapped
“ What's silly is paying five bucks for hot milk and flavored syrup! But now I see what's really been going on all this time! They charge you all that money because they need it for the R & D! Somewhere on the outskirts of Seattle, there's a secret facility with higher security than Area 51, and inside there are men with poor eyesight and bad haircuts wearing white coats, and they're trying to make the Holy Grail of all coffee drinks. The bacon latte?No, Atticus, I already told you those exist! I'm talking about the prophecy! 'Out of the steam and the foam and the froth, a man in white with poor eyesight will craft a liquid paradox, and it shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!' Oberon, what the F---?” ― Kevin Hearne, Hammered
“It quickly became a tracking operation, though. My chariot could not keep up with his truck. By the time I caught up with him, his truck was parked in one of those asphalt wastelands. What are they called again"?The Tuatha De Danann have no problem asking Druids for information. That's what we're for, after all. The secret to becoming an Old Druid instead of a dead Druid is to betray nary a hint of condescension when answering even the simplest questions."They are called parking lots," I replied."Ah, yes, thank you. He came out of a building called 'Crussh', holding one of these potions. Are you familar with the building, Druid?""I belive that is a smoothie bar in England.""Quite right. So after I killed him and stowed his body next to the doe, I sampled his smooth concoction in the parking lot and found it to be quite delicious".See, sentences like that are why I nurture a healthy fear of the Tuatha De Danann.” ― Kevin Hearne, Hounded
