“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.”
―
Daniel Goleman,
Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
“In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“Anyone can become angry —that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way —this is not easy. ARISTOTLE, The Nicomachean Ethics” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.” ― Daniel Goleman
“A belligerent samurai, an old Japanese tale goes, once challenged a Zen master to explain the concept of heaven and hell. The monk replied with scorn, "You're nothing but a lout - I can't waste my time with the likes of you!"His very honor attacked, the samurai flew into a rage and, pulling his sword from its scabbard, yelled "I could kill you for your impertinence.""That," the monk calmly replied, "is hell."Startled at seeing the truth in what the master pointed out about the fury that had him in its grip, the samurai calmed down, sheathed his sword, and bowed, thanking the monk for the insight."And that,"said the monk "is heaven."The sudden awakening of the samurai to his own agitated state illustrates the crucial difference between being caught up in a feeling and becoming aware that you are being swept away by it. Socrates's injunction "Know thyself" speaks to the keystone of emotional intelligence: awareness of one's own feelings as they occur.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“people's emotions are rarely put into words , far more often they are expressed through other cues. the key to intuiting another's feelings is in the ability to read nonverbal channels , tone of voice , gesture , facial expression and the like” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“Emotional self-control-- delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness- underlies accomplishment of every sort” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“Leadership is not domination, but the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“the brilliant book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman describes seven key abilities most beneficial for human beings: the ability to motivate ourselves, to persist against frustration, to delay gratification, to regulate moods, to hope, to empathize, and to control impulse. Many of those who commit violence never learned these skills. If you know a young person who lacks them all, that’s an important pre-incident indicator, and he needs help.” ― Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
“The argument has long been made that we humans are by nature compassionate and empathic despite the occasional streak of meanness, but torrents of bad news throughout history have contradicted that claim, and little sound science has backed it. But try this thought experiment. Imagine the number of opportunities people around the world today might have to commit an antisocial act, from rape or murder to simple rudeness and dishonesty. Make that number the bottom of a fraction. Now for the top value you put the number of such antisocial acts that will actually occur today. That ratio of potential to enacted meanness holds at close to zero any day of the year. And if for the top value you put the number of benevolent acts performed in a given day, the ratio of kindness to cruelty will always be positive. (The news, however, comes to us as though that ratio was reversed.)Harvard's Jerome Kagan proposes this mental exercise to make a simple point about human nature: the sum total of goodness vastly outweighs that of meanness. 'Although humans inherit a biological bias that permits them to feel anger, jealousy, selfishness and envy, and to be rude, aggressive or violent,' Kagan notes, 'they inherit an even stronger biological bias for kindness, compassion, cooperation, love and nurture – especially toward those in need.' This inbuilt ethical sense, he adds, 'is a biological feature of our species.” ― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
“Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. HORACE WALPOLE” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“Benjamin Franklin put it well: “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“Our emotional mind will harness the rational mind to its purposes, for our feelings and reactions-- rationalizations-- justifying them in terms of the present moment, without realizing the influence of our emotional memory.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“People with well-developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of mind that foster their own productivity; people who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight inner battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“But the rational mind usually doesn't decide what emotions we "should" have !” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“Having hope,” writes Daniel Goleman in his study of emotional intelligence, “means that one will not give in to overwhelming anxiety, a defeatist attitude, or depression in the face of difficult challenges or setbacks.” Hope is “more than the sunny view that everything will turn out all right”; it is “believing you have the will and the way to accomplish your goals.” ― Doris Kearns Goodwin, Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln
“When the eyes of a woman that a man finds attractive look directly at him, his brain secretes the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine - but not when she looks elsewhere.” ― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
“In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“Anyone can become angry —that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way —this is not easy. ARISTOTLE, The Nicomachean Ethics” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.” ― Daniel Goleman
“A belligerent samurai, an old Japanese tale goes, once challenged a Zen master to explain the concept of heaven and hell. The monk replied with scorn, "You're nothing but a lout - I can't waste my time with the likes of you!"His very honor attacked, the samurai flew into a rage and, pulling his sword from its scabbard, yelled "I could kill you for your impertinence.""That," the monk calmly replied, "is hell."Startled at seeing the truth in what the master pointed out about the fury that had him in its grip, the samurai calmed down, sheathed his sword, and bowed, thanking the monk for the insight."And that,"said the monk "is heaven."The sudden awakening of the samurai to his own agitated state illustrates the crucial difference between being caught up in a feeling and becoming aware that you are being swept away by it. Socrates's injunction "Know thyself" speaks to the keystone of emotional intelligence: awareness of one's own feelings as they occur.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“people's emotions are rarely put into words , far more often they are expressed through other cues. the key to intuiting another's feelings is in the ability to read nonverbal channels , tone of voice , gesture , facial expression and the like” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“Emotional self-control-- delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness- underlies accomplishment of every sort” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“Leadership is not domination, but the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“the brilliant book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman describes seven key abilities most beneficial for human beings: the ability to motivate ourselves, to persist against frustration, to delay gratification, to regulate moods, to hope, to empathize, and to control impulse. Many of those who commit violence never learned these skills. If you know a young person who lacks them all, that’s an important pre-incident indicator, and he needs help.” ― Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
“The argument has long been made that we humans are by nature compassionate and empathic despite the occasional streak of meanness, but torrents of bad news throughout history have contradicted that claim, and little sound science has backed it. But try this thought experiment. Imagine the number of opportunities people around the world today might have to commit an antisocial act, from rape or murder to simple rudeness and dishonesty. Make that number the bottom of a fraction. Now for the top value you put the number of such antisocial acts that will actually occur today. That ratio of potential to enacted meanness holds at close to zero any day of the year. And if for the top value you put the number of benevolent acts performed in a given day, the ratio of kindness to cruelty will always be positive. (The news, however, comes to us as though that ratio was reversed.)Harvard's Jerome Kagan proposes this mental exercise to make a simple point about human nature: the sum total of goodness vastly outweighs that of meanness. 'Although humans inherit a biological bias that permits them to feel anger, jealousy, selfishness and envy, and to be rude, aggressive or violent,' Kagan notes, 'they inherit an even stronger biological bias for kindness, compassion, cooperation, love and nurture – especially toward those in need.' This inbuilt ethical sense, he adds, 'is a biological feature of our species.” ― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
“Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. HORACE WALPOLE” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“Benjamin Franklin put it well: “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“Our emotional mind will harness the rational mind to its purposes, for our feelings and reactions-- rationalizations-- justifying them in terms of the present moment, without realizing the influence of our emotional memory.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“People with well-developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of mind that foster their own productivity; people who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight inner battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
“But the rational mind usually doesn't decide what emotions we "should" have !” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
“Having hope,” writes Daniel Goleman in his study of emotional intelligence, “means that one will not give in to overwhelming anxiety, a defeatist attitude, or depression in the face of difficult challenges or setbacks.” Hope is “more than the sunny view that everything will turn out all right”; it is “believing you have the will and the way to accomplish your goals.” ― Doris Kearns Goodwin, Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln
“When the eyes of a woman that a man finds attractive look directly at him, his brain secretes the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine - but not when she looks elsewhere.” ― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
