“Gabe watched her move to the center of the green. In one gloved hand, she clutched a leash. The other end of the leash was attached to... something furry and brown that rolled."What is that?""That would be mongrel with two lamed hind legs. Apparently, Her Ladyship's friend devised a little chariot for his rear half, and the dog careens around the neighborhood like a yapping billiard ball. If you think that's strange, wait until you see the goat.""Hold a moment. There's a goat?""Oh, yes. She grazes it on the square every afternoon. Doesn't precisely elevate the atmosphere of Bloom Square, now does it?""I see the problem.""I'm only getting started. Her Ladyship has single-handedly set us back a month on the improvements." Hammond pulled a collection of letters from a folio. He held one aloft and read from it. "'Dear Mr. Hammond, I must request that you delay completion of the parquet flooring. The fumes from the lacquer are dizzying the hens. Sincerely yours, Lady Penelope Campion.'"He withdrew another. "'Dear Mr. Hammond, I'm afraid your improvements to the mews must be temporarily halted. I've located a litter of newborn kittens in the hayloft. Their mother is looking after them, but as their eyes are not yet open, they should not be displaced for another week. Thank you for your cooperation. Gratefully yours, Lady Penelope Campion.'"Gabe sensed a theme."Oh, and here's my favorite." Hammond shook open a letter and cleared his throat for dramatic effect. "'Dear Mr. Hammond, if it is not too great an imposition, might I ask that your workers refrain from performing heavy labor between nine o'clock in the morning and half-three in the afternoon? Hedgehogs are nocturnal animals, and sensitive to loud noises. My dear Freya is losing quills. I feel certain this will concern you as much as it does me. Neighborly yours, Lady Penelope Campion.'" He tossed the folio of letters onto the table, where they landed with a smack. "Her hedgehog. Really.”
―
Tessa Dare,
The Wallflower Wager
“Springtime in Massachusetts is depressing for those who embrace a progressive view of history and experience. It does not gradually develop as spring is supposed to. Instead, the crocuses bloom and the grass grows, but the foliage is independent from the weather, which gets colder and colder and sadder and sadder until June when one day it becomes brutishly hot without warning...It was fitting, then, that the first people who chose to settle there were mentally suspect.” ― Rebecca Harrington, Penelope
“That beautiful, beautiful man. He stole your cherry and deflowered you in one fell swoop. Respect.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry
“If they give the purple heart for soldiers, I guess they could give me the blue ball medal for the testament of willpower I endured.” ― Penelope Bloom, Single Dad's Virgin
“Today’s message: Pro tip… An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry
“He has a chronic condition. They found the stick up his ass when we were just kids and the doctors said we couldn't remove it without killing him. Naturally, we all tried as hard as we could to pull it out, but the stubborn bastard never gave us an inch. See, he's a tight-ass, too. It's tragic, really, when you think about it. Sometimes I lay awake at night trying to figure out which came first… The stick, or the tight ass.” ― Penelope Bloom, His Banana
“You barely know me? Why, because you don’t know my favorite color? Because you don’t know about my childhood? Fuck that. The past shapes the present, and you see me here. Now. You see what my past has shaped and you know it as clear as day.” ― Penelope Bloom, Punished by the Prince
“I woke up with the kind of headache that makes you regret you ever existed. I didn’t just want to die, I wanted to go back in time and stop my parents from ever making me in the first place.” ― Penelope Bloom, His Banana
“Grammy took them both in with hard eyes, the nodded and smiled. "I like you better than your brother, Bruce. He's a real dickhole.""What the fuck?" I asked."You stole my slippers. I know it was you!” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry
“Please tell me you just compared a man to a burrito, because I love that.” ― Penelope Bloom, His Banana
“Okay, Dad. Please make sure your seats are in the upright position. Please do not smoke. Vaping is fine, if that’s your thing. Although I wouldn't advise it, because vapes still have nicotine in them, so you’re developing a nasty habit anyway. And nobody thinks you’re cool when you do smoke tricks.” “We’re not vaping,” I said. “Just fly the damn helicopter.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Secret
“Shake the stick out of my ass and let loose... Words of wisdom from Candace. Maybe I’ll have them put that on your tombstone?” "Who says I'm dying first? I'm going to have them put, ‘here lies the world's oldest, saddest virgin. Maybe if she'd let a guy get six inches deep, she wouldn't have gone six feet under.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry
“I was just thinking about how if I breathe out hooh, it’s cold, but if I breathe out, haah, it’s hot.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Bush
“You plot, daily. Face down circumstance. Measure out your life with...not coffee spoons--pills. Line them up with breakfast, lunch, supper. Never mind mermaids, and lilacs in bloom, and all that stuff. He hadn't a clue.” ― Penelope Lively, The Purple Swamp Hen and Other Stories
“Davey laughed. “You’re not hot. You’re wholesome. Look, I mean this in the nicest way possible, so stop looking at me like that. I’m going to explain. Guys want hot girls when they are in the no-commitment stage. They screw around with them, have some fun nights, and move on. Nobody in their right mind seriously expects to settle down with the typical hot girl. But wholesome girls? Those are the ones guys start looking for when they get serious.” I had my arms crossed. “I hear you trying to dig yourself out of that comment, but all I can see is you getting deeper and deeper into the hole. Feel free to keep digging, though.” Davey smirked. “Think about it. You know it’s true. You’re a catch. You’re just the kind of catch that most guys start trying to reel in once they’re done being idiots. The kind of catch a guy isn’t just going to want to have some fun with and then toss back into the river.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Bush
“You scared the crap out of me. I mean, not literally. I’m potty trained.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Bush
“You said you know people had it worse. But that doesn’t really matter. You feel what you feel. It’s not a zero-sum game—suffering—I mean. There’s enough to go around and your suffering doesn’t make anybody’s better or worse. It’s like pain tolerance. What does it matter if the same experience causes someone else less pain than it causes you? You still feel what you feel.” ― Penelope Bloom
“Oh. I have this rule. If a guy can throw me three feet, I ignore three red flags. Four feet means four flags, and so on. I think Tristan could throw me super far, so there’s really no amount of red flagging to scare me off him.” ― Penelope Bloom, Sincerely, Up Yours
“This wasn’t the kind of lying that shook the foundations of a relationship. It was the kind of lying that hid happy secrets.” ― Penelope Bloom, His Banana
“Springtime in Massachusetts is depressing for those who embrace a progressive view of history and experience. It does not gradually develop as spring is supposed to. Instead, the crocuses bloom and the grass grows, but the foliage is independent from the weather, which gets colder and colder and sadder and sadder until June when one day it becomes brutishly hot without warning...It was fitting, then, that the first people who chose to settle there were mentally suspect.” ― Rebecca Harrington, Penelope
“That beautiful, beautiful man. He stole your cherry and deflowered you in one fell swoop. Respect.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry
“If they give the purple heart for soldiers, I guess they could give me the blue ball medal for the testament of willpower I endured.” ― Penelope Bloom, Single Dad's Virgin
“Today’s message: Pro tip… An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry
“He has a chronic condition. They found the stick up his ass when we were just kids and the doctors said we couldn't remove it without killing him. Naturally, we all tried as hard as we could to pull it out, but the stubborn bastard never gave us an inch. See, he's a tight-ass, too. It's tragic, really, when you think about it. Sometimes I lay awake at night trying to figure out which came first… The stick, or the tight ass.” ― Penelope Bloom, His Banana
“You barely know me? Why, because you don’t know my favorite color? Because you don’t know about my childhood? Fuck that. The past shapes the present, and you see me here. Now. You see what my past has shaped and you know it as clear as day.” ― Penelope Bloom, Punished by the Prince
“I woke up with the kind of headache that makes you regret you ever existed. I didn’t just want to die, I wanted to go back in time and stop my parents from ever making me in the first place.” ― Penelope Bloom, His Banana
“Grammy took them both in with hard eyes, the nodded and smiled. "I like you better than your brother, Bruce. He's a real dickhole.""What the fuck?" I asked."You stole my slippers. I know it was you!” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry
“Please tell me you just compared a man to a burrito, because I love that.” ― Penelope Bloom, His Banana
“Okay, Dad. Please make sure your seats are in the upright position. Please do not smoke. Vaping is fine, if that’s your thing. Although I wouldn't advise it, because vapes still have nicotine in them, so you’re developing a nasty habit anyway. And nobody thinks you’re cool when you do smoke tricks.” “We’re not vaping,” I said. “Just fly the damn helicopter.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Secret
“Shake the stick out of my ass and let loose... Words of wisdom from Candace. Maybe I’ll have them put that on your tombstone?” "Who says I'm dying first? I'm going to have them put, ‘here lies the world's oldest, saddest virgin. Maybe if she'd let a guy get six inches deep, she wouldn't have gone six feet under.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry
“I was just thinking about how if I breathe out hooh, it’s cold, but if I breathe out, haah, it’s hot.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Bush
“You plot, daily. Face down circumstance. Measure out your life with...not coffee spoons--pills. Line them up with breakfast, lunch, supper. Never mind mermaids, and lilacs in bloom, and all that stuff. He hadn't a clue.” ― Penelope Lively, The Purple Swamp Hen and Other Stories
“Davey laughed. “You’re not hot. You’re wholesome. Look, I mean this in the nicest way possible, so stop looking at me like that. I’m going to explain. Guys want hot girls when they are in the no-commitment stage. They screw around with them, have some fun nights, and move on. Nobody in their right mind seriously expects to settle down with the typical hot girl. But wholesome girls? Those are the ones guys start looking for when they get serious.” I had my arms crossed. “I hear you trying to dig yourself out of that comment, but all I can see is you getting deeper and deeper into the hole. Feel free to keep digging, though.” Davey smirked. “Think about it. You know it’s true. You’re a catch. You’re just the kind of catch that most guys start trying to reel in once they’re done being idiots. The kind of catch a guy isn’t just going to want to have some fun with and then toss back into the river.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Bush
“You scared the crap out of me. I mean, not literally. I’m potty trained.” ― Penelope Bloom, Her Bush
“You said you know people had it worse. But that doesn’t really matter. You feel what you feel. It’s not a zero-sum game—suffering—I mean. There’s enough to go around and your suffering doesn’t make anybody’s better or worse. It’s like pain tolerance. What does it matter if the same experience causes someone else less pain than it causes you? You still feel what you feel.” ― Penelope Bloom
“Oh. I have this rule. If a guy can throw me three feet, I ignore three red flags. Four feet means four flags, and so on. I think Tristan could throw me super far, so there’s really no amount of red flagging to scare me off him.” ― Penelope Bloom, Sincerely, Up Yours
“This wasn’t the kind of lying that shook the foundations of a relationship. It was the kind of lying that hid happy secrets.” ― Penelope Bloom, His Banana
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