“Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt”
―
Darynda Jones,
First Grave on the Right
“That took balls.""Please," I said with a snort, "that took ovaries. Of which I have two.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Genius has its limitations.Insanity...not so much" -Bumper Sticker” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt” ― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left
“I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt” ― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead
“I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding."I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt)” ― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead
“IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER” ― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left
“After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE.IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.—T-SHIRT” ― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left
“I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Make it quick," I said when I picked up. "Okay. Two men from the FBI are here." Cookie said. Quickly. Crap. "Men in black are at the office?""Well, yes, but they're actually in more of a navy."Crapola. I so don't have time for men. In any color. "Okay, two questions. Do they look mad, and are they hot?"After a long, long, pause, Cookie said, "One, not really. Two, no comment at this time. And three, you're on speakerphone."After another long, long pause, I said, "Okie dokie then. Be there in a jiff.” ― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left
“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.” ― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead
“That took balls.""Please," I said with a snort, "that took ovaries. Of which I have two.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Genius has its limitations.Insanity...not so much" -Bumper Sticker” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt” ― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left
“I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt” ― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead
“I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding."I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt)” ― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead
“IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER” ― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left
“After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE.IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.—T-SHIRT” ― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left
“I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.” ― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
“Make it quick," I said when I picked up. "Okay. Two men from the FBI are here." Cookie said. Quickly. Crap. "Men in black are at the office?""Well, yes, but they're actually in more of a navy."Crapola. I so don't have time for men. In any color. "Okay, two questions. Do they look mad, and are they hot?"After a long, long, pause, Cookie said, "One, not really. Two, no comment at this time. And three, you're on speakerphone."After another long, long pause, I said, "Okie dokie then. Be there in a jiff.” ― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left
“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.” ― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead
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