“The answers to making it, to me, are a lot more universal than anyone's race or gender, and center on having a tolerance for delayed gratification, a passion for the craft, and a willingness to fail.”
―
Ali Wong,
Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“My mom was never the type to write me long letters or birthday cards. We never got mani-pedis together, she never gave me a locket with our picture in it. She wouldn't tell me I looked beautiful, or soothe me when a boy broke my heart. But she was there. She kept me safe. She did her best to make me tough. She fed me the most delicious home-cooked meals. For lunch, she'd pack me rare sliced steak over white rice and steamed broccoli. She sent me to private school from kindergarten through twelfth grade. She is still there for me. She will always be there for me, as long as she's able. That's a great mom.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Just accept that you’re not a genius. Once I told myself that, I was able to finally write.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“You have suffered enough." That became my mantra for motherhood from there on out. You have suffered enough. If you can make it easier, make it easier, and don't feel guilty about it.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I also understood why my mom wasn’t into processing her feelings, and how she was taught to just get over tragedy. To survive, she had to believe things like depression and allergies were a choice.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“A reporter once asked me why I think progressive men who earn significantly less than their breadwinning wives still won't quit their jobs to take care of their children. Why do they still hold on to their careers, even if taking care of the children would make more financial sense because the cost of childcare is higher than their net salary?I think I know the answer to that now, and it sucks. Women are not expected to live a life for themselves. When women dedicate their lives to children, it is deemed a worthy and respectable choice. When women dedicate themselves to a passion outside of the family that doesn't involve worshiping their husbands or taking care of their kids, they're seen as selfish, cold, or unfit mothers. But when a man spends hours grueling over a craft, profession, or project, he's admired and seen as a genius. And when a man finds a woman who worships him, who dedicates her life to serving him, he's lucky. But when a man dedicates himself to taking care of his children it's seen as a last resort. That it must be because he ran out of other options. That it's plan Z. That it's an indicator of his inability to provide for his family. Basically, that he's a fucking loser. I think it's one of the most important falsehoods we need to shatter when talking about women's rights.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I can see what a shock and how lonely it must have been when she went to the United States—from being surrounded by all these people who look like you, talk like you, accept your existence inherently, to living permanently in a place where all the opposites are true. When she first got here, a dentist took one look at her teeth and said she had "the mouth of a caveman." I used to think it was funny, like you might when you read that, but the truth is that American society, while being so rife with opportunity and so incredible in so many ways, also generally made her feel primitive.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I fantasized about having a mother who was also raised on Sesame Street, Happy Meals, and John Hughes movies. Maybe she could ask me white mom questions like “How are you feeling?” or say white mom things like “I love you to the moon and back.” We would share the same first language. She could help me pick out a dress that I actually liked, instead of the dress that was most discounted. We would understand each other and not fight as much.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“My dad would sometimes say things to my mom like, “Devil, get away, for I am God’s property!” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Being in a relationship will inevitably offer up uncertainty, risk, and challenges. Find someone who is willing and able to come up with creative solutions as issues arise and takes leaps for you when called for.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I tried to stay away from the classic Disney princess movies. In addition to featuring a lot of unempowered women, those movies are just so white. White people and stories about white people are not bad, it’s just that when you live in America, everything is so inherently white. I don’t want you to grow up wishing you were white and having that inform all of your decisions later on in life. I want you to be proud of having black hair and Asian features.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“And then I threw up from all the anesthesia and my teeth were still chattering and they were telling me not to vomit so hard, otherwise my stitches would bust open. I said,'I don't know how to vomit softly.' That's like telling someone to shit perfume.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Women are not expected to live a life for themselves. When women dedicate their lives to children, it is deemed a worthy and respectable choice. When women dedicate themselves to a passion outside of the family that doesn’t involve worshipping their husbands or taking care of their kids, they’re seen as selfish, cold, or unfit mothers. But when a man spends hours grueling over a craft, profession, or project, he’s admired and seen as a genius. And when a man finds a woman who worships him, who dedicates her life to serving him, he’s lucky. But when a man dedicates himself to taking care of his children it’s seen as a last resort. That it must be because he ran out of other options. That it’s plan Z. That it’s an indicator of his inability to provide for his family. Basically, that he’s a fucking loser.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“It made me realize that the most important part of parenting, relationships, pretty much anything is just actually being there.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Hospital food is a funeral of flavor in your mouth.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“For my twenty-seventh birthday, I was really looking forward to your father's gift...But there was no box. There was no bag with tissue sticking out of the top. We sat down on his bed, in his closet room, as he gave me an envelope...Instead, there was a blank card with these instructions: 'Write down all of your goals.' Then he had me recite them back to him. And after every goal I read out loud to him, he replied, 'So it shall be. '... And despite having put anal beads up another grown man's ass in a previous relationship, I had never experienced and activity that was so intimate. And straight up free.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“My dream of having four children was replaced by utter gratitude that I was able to get pregnant three times, and give birth to two beautiful girls, who exhaust me spiritually, financially, and emotionally.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Witnessing all of those hardworking female street vendors in Vietnam also made me understand why my mom felt so passionate about me and my sisters working. While we were in Vietnam together, she explained that the country had a history of always being in wartime, so women were expected to rise to the occasion of making money for the family. Vietnamese women were always ready to take over roles traditionally filled by men, Like A League of Their Own (but where everyone is Marla Hooch). I also understood why my mom wasn't into processing her feelings, and how she was taught to just get over tragedy. To survive, she had to believe things like depression and allergies were a choice. In a culture entrenched in wartime, those who chose to be unhappy or to refuse gluten didn't last long.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I don’t use words like “facetious” or “effusive.” I use words like “doo-doo,” “caca,” and “punani.” Once I embraced that, these letters were an absolute pleasure to write.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“My mom was never the type to write me long letters or birthday cards. We never got mani-pedis together, she never gave me a locket with our picture in it. She wouldn't tell me I looked beautiful, or soothe me when a boy broke my heart. But she was there. She kept me safe. She did her best to make me tough. She fed me the most delicious home-cooked meals. For lunch, she'd pack me rare sliced steak over white rice and steamed broccoli. She sent me to private school from kindergarten through twelfth grade. She is still there for me. She will always be there for me, as long as she's able. That's a great mom.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Just accept that you’re not a genius. Once I told myself that, I was able to finally write.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“You have suffered enough." That became my mantra for motherhood from there on out. You have suffered enough. If you can make it easier, make it easier, and don't feel guilty about it.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I also understood why my mom wasn’t into processing her feelings, and how she was taught to just get over tragedy. To survive, she had to believe things like depression and allergies were a choice.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“A reporter once asked me why I think progressive men who earn significantly less than their breadwinning wives still won't quit their jobs to take care of their children. Why do they still hold on to their careers, even if taking care of the children would make more financial sense because the cost of childcare is higher than their net salary?I think I know the answer to that now, and it sucks. Women are not expected to live a life for themselves. When women dedicate their lives to children, it is deemed a worthy and respectable choice. When women dedicate themselves to a passion outside of the family that doesn't involve worshiping their husbands or taking care of their kids, they're seen as selfish, cold, or unfit mothers. But when a man spends hours grueling over a craft, profession, or project, he's admired and seen as a genius. And when a man finds a woman who worships him, who dedicates her life to serving him, he's lucky. But when a man dedicates himself to taking care of his children it's seen as a last resort. That it must be because he ran out of other options. That it's plan Z. That it's an indicator of his inability to provide for his family. Basically, that he's a fucking loser. I think it's one of the most important falsehoods we need to shatter when talking about women's rights.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I can see what a shock and how lonely it must have been when she went to the United States—from being surrounded by all these people who look like you, talk like you, accept your existence inherently, to living permanently in a place where all the opposites are true. When she first got here, a dentist took one look at her teeth and said she had "the mouth of a caveman." I used to think it was funny, like you might when you read that, but the truth is that American society, while being so rife with opportunity and so incredible in so many ways, also generally made her feel primitive.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I fantasized about having a mother who was also raised on Sesame Street, Happy Meals, and John Hughes movies. Maybe she could ask me white mom questions like “How are you feeling?” or say white mom things like “I love you to the moon and back.” We would share the same first language. She could help me pick out a dress that I actually liked, instead of the dress that was most discounted. We would understand each other and not fight as much.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“My dad would sometimes say things to my mom like, “Devil, get away, for I am God’s property!” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Being in a relationship will inevitably offer up uncertainty, risk, and challenges. Find someone who is willing and able to come up with creative solutions as issues arise and takes leaps for you when called for.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I tried to stay away from the classic Disney princess movies. In addition to featuring a lot of unempowered women, those movies are just so white. White people and stories about white people are not bad, it’s just that when you live in America, everything is so inherently white. I don’t want you to grow up wishing you were white and having that inform all of your decisions later on in life. I want you to be proud of having black hair and Asian features.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“And then I threw up from all the anesthesia and my teeth were still chattering and they were telling me not to vomit so hard, otherwise my stitches would bust open. I said,'I don't know how to vomit softly.' That's like telling someone to shit perfume.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Women are not expected to live a life for themselves. When women dedicate their lives to children, it is deemed a worthy and respectable choice. When women dedicate themselves to a passion outside of the family that doesn’t involve worshipping their husbands or taking care of their kids, they’re seen as selfish, cold, or unfit mothers. But when a man spends hours grueling over a craft, profession, or project, he’s admired and seen as a genius. And when a man finds a woman who worships him, who dedicates her life to serving him, he’s lucky. But when a man dedicates himself to taking care of his children it’s seen as a last resort. That it must be because he ran out of other options. That it’s plan Z. That it’s an indicator of his inability to provide for his family. Basically, that he’s a fucking loser.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“It made me realize that the most important part of parenting, relationships, pretty much anything is just actually being there.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Hospital food is a funeral of flavor in your mouth.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“For my twenty-seventh birthday, I was really looking forward to your father's gift...But there was no box. There was no bag with tissue sticking out of the top. We sat down on his bed, in his closet room, as he gave me an envelope...Instead, there was a blank card with these instructions: 'Write down all of your goals.' Then he had me recite them back to him. And after every goal I read out loud to him, he replied, 'So it shall be. '... And despite having put anal beads up another grown man's ass in a previous relationship, I had never experienced and activity that was so intimate. And straight up free.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“My dream of having four children was replaced by utter gratitude that I was able to get pregnant three times, and give birth to two beautiful girls, who exhaust me spiritually, financially, and emotionally.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“Witnessing all of those hardworking female street vendors in Vietnam also made me understand why my mom felt so passionate about me and my sisters working. While we were in Vietnam together, she explained that the country had a history of always being in wartime, so women were expected to rise to the occasion of making money for the family. Vietnamese women were always ready to take over roles traditionally filled by men, Like A League of Their Own (but where everyone is Marla Hooch). I also understood why my mom wasn't into processing her feelings, and how she was taught to just get over tragedy. To survive, she had to believe things like depression and allergies were a choice. In a culture entrenched in wartime, those who chose to be unhappy or to refuse gluten didn't last long.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life
“I don’t use words like “facetious” or “effusive.” I use words like “doo-doo,” “caca,” and “punani.” Once I embraced that, these letters were an absolute pleasure to write.” ― Ali Wong, Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
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