When I just look back,
I feel immensely sorry,
Those days were bleak.
Greatly I did worry.
I enjoyed no support,
Like an ant, I tried,
God didn't comfort,
At losses, I sighed.
God-faith, I showed enough,
Still I was always last-ranked,
Living became damn tough,
For my love, I wasn't thanked.
Various attempts, I made,
I wanted love desperately,
By none I was given shade,
All ignored me deliberately.
All thought I was a crack,
God is also included in 'all"
Why He decided not to back?
I was forced to face the wall.
Living indeed was so terrific,
By fate, I was badly crushed,
I became then mentally sick,
To cure, God never rushed.
My efforts miserably failed,
I became extremely gloomy,
By heavy losses, I was nailed,
I resorted not to blasphemy.
My life became sorrowfully rotten,
I felt I was extremely humiliated,
By cobra, I could have been bitten,
But, no action, mighty God initiated.
I became a thorough idiot,
God felt intensely pleased,
Sad thought made a riot,
Situation was never eased.
What a real tragedy my life was?
If I remember, I gloomily shudder,
Nothing can compensate my loss,
I grew damn sadder and sadder.
God, must I trust?
This isn't the question,
Why doesn't He care?
All my hopes went out.
What pleasure God derived
In making me miserably lose?
To dejection's bottom, I dived,
His presence contains no clues.
Why does He behave like this?
Frankly speaking, I don't know,
Why does He deny me bliss?
When I deeply pray, He says "No"
My losses when I count,
In tears, my heart sinks,
I maintain a loss-account,
That is why my brain thinks.
Should I have to maintain,
My deep God-faith still,
Is it a severe stain or gain,
If I believe solely in my will?
If God is supposed to be one,