I keep a quiet ledger lodged in my head
of all the things undone;
hours folded neatly away,
tasks tapping their feet, waiting.
I see how it looks from the doorway;
A waste, laziness, perhaps an idle, mindless retreat.
But I know it's just for now.
Right now, I could rest.
So tonight, I loosen my grip.
I let the tight-knotting ache of guilt behind my ribs
unclench, just a little.
Because somewhere in me,
I know I deserve this pause.
One day, I will know that I have earned it,
and that it was always
rightfully mine.